What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 01:51
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We were not on the streets..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
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He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
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He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Are miracles real or do they just have natural explanations?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
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19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My family never makes their pension either.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
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The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I think the readers, may guess!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Is using tech to track or monitor your partner’s activities a sign of love, insecurity, or control?
But it wasn’t much.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I don,t even have a pension.
What was the worst spanking you got growing up?
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I have no regrets .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As i do to all so called friends.?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
And i lived it daily.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
What did i know ?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So, i spoilt her more .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He knew the spot.
But, we were locked up after school.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
It was going to be , some day.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We all went to grammer schools
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I waited trembling.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
When she asked me how she looked .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She loved him until the end.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why did i forgive my father ?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She found it foreign!.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I said to her
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I was 9 years of age.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
One cannot live in the past .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Was to survive, this bastard.
I couldn’t, believe it.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Comes on , in middle age.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She wouldn,t have been !
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My life is so biszare .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Put me off passion for life!!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Ive learnt so much.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
So whats the point in blame.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Im still living with it.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I will be 64.
This is soul school!.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was very sick at this time too.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I was seconnd youngest,
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She was in good health!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was scared of men, in general
(And it was in our own minds.)
Who then, do I blame.?
Would this be the day?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I write beautiful poetry .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
All the time i was locked up.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She married twice! .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.